Never Meant To Save Anyone
by thepkrmgc
Summary: the vaults were never meant to save anyone, this document compiles ideas for non-cannon vaults and their wacky experiments.
1. Vaults 1-60

Never Meant to Save Anyone: by Thepkrmgc

(everything fallout related belongs to Bethesda, I'm just filling in a few gaps in the list of vaults)

On October 23 hundreds of thousands of people packed themselves into specially prepared vaults with the belief that they were granted a reprieve from the horrors of nuclear war. Unbeknownst to them the vaults were the product of the largest social experiment the world has ever known, commissioned by their governments to study the effects of prolonged isolation on the human psyche. Designed to simulate the conditions of a potential colony ship, in the vaults nobody can hear you scream. After all, the vaults were never meant to save anyone.

Vault 2: instead of light bulbs, whale oil lamps were provided

Vault 4: no caffeinated beverages were provided

Vault 5: no non-caffeinated beverages were provided; caffeine was incorporated into extruded rations.

Vault 7: instead of traditional meals, food processors extruded only pure cane sugar

Vault 9: water taps were impossible to turn off and drains were designed to clog regularly, the vault was stocked entirely with hydrophobic people

Vault 10: vault populated entirely by clowns

Vault 14: mirrors were bolted two every surface capable of supporting them.

Vault 16: vault was populated entirely by insomniacs; a curfew was imposed between the hours of 5:00 pm and 7:00 am

Vault 18: occupants were allowed to bring pets, which were given a mandatory rabies injection upon entrance

Vault 20: population consists entirely of college professors; powdered mentats were incorporated into all meals

Vault 23: no pip boys were provided

Vault 25: of the 1000 people admitted, none were literate.

Vault 26: all instructions were printed in braille

Vault 28: everyone admitted was between the ages of 15 and 17

Vault 30: vault population consisted entirely of soldiers pulled from the anchorage front lines; gunfire was played over the PA system at random intervals

Vault 31: vault population consists entirely of chain smokers, no cigarettes were provided

Vault 32, instead of water, hygienic facilities were designed to dispense vodka

Vault 33: no waste recycling facilities were provided

Vault 35: residents were provided with top hats upon entrance to be worn at all time, being discovered without a top hat is considered a capital offence

Vault 37: vault population consisted of a couple and 998 wax sculptures of historical figures

Vault 38: in lieu of cooking facilities the vault was supplied with 10,000 toaster ovens

Vault 40: housing quarters were not stocked with beds

Vault 41: housing quarters were stocked with beds specially designed to be ergonomically unsuitable for humans

Vault 44: no weapons were provided and no security personal

Vault 45: tacks were incorporated into all furniture

Vault: 46: built under Death Valley, the air conditioning systems were designed to stop functioning after a period of two months

Vault 47: the edges of all metallic surfaces were sharpened; the population consisted entirely of hemophiliacs

Vault 48: vault medical personnel were not authorized to issue anesthesia during operations, first aid kits were not stocked with med-x

Vault 49: Christmas carols were played nonstop over the PA system; only those of Jewish faith were admitted.

Vault 50: all entertainment tapes were replaced by 100,000 still photos of Joe Biden eating a sandwich printed on every flat surface in the vault

Vault 51: all software and instruction manuals are written in mandarin Chinese, anyone exhibiting the ability to read them is to be shot for communist infiltration.

Vault 52: upon reaching maturity each resident is surgically implanted with rose tinted glasses.

Vault 54: each resident is given a motorcycle for personal transit

Vault 57: the sound of crickets is played 24/7 over the public address system

Vault 58: in lieu of scalpels, vault auto-docs were fitted with military grade rippers

Vault 59: no vault door was provided

Vault 60: all Vault tec furniture and machinery was welded to the ceiling

(A/N this is the product of a few hours of vault based jokes with a friend, if I think of any new ideas I'll post a new chapter and if you think of any funny (but appropriate) ones please share them with me and ill put them in with your name attached)


	2. Vaults 61-100

Vaults 60-100

(A/N: those of you with keen eyes might have noticed that I'm skipping a few numbers, those vaults have cannon purposes listed in the fallout wiki and I don't want to take credit for Bethesdas work)

Vault 61: vault air circulation systems were connected to a glitter extrusion device

Vault 62: all clocks were designed to operate based on the rotational speed of Saturn, calendar templates were adjusted to match the Saturn year

Vault 63: all entertainment tapes were set to the hokey pokey

Vault 64: kittens were provided to every resident.

Vault 65: no technology invented after 1492 was permitted

Vault 66: G.E.C.K was designed to deploy inside the vault after the blast door closes

Vault 67: instead of water purification facilities, a fully stocked 300 car garage was provided

Vault 71: every resident was designated as overseer

Vault 72: instead of restrooms, an 18 hole golf course was provided

Vault 73: overseers were selected by a vault wide game of bingo

Vault 75: the position of overseer was designated as hereditary.

Vault 78: vault armory was stocked exclusively with bb guns

Vault 79: vault recreation areas were equipped with a pool, to be filled with Forced Evolutionary Virus upon the sealing of the blast doors.

Vault 80: recreational facilities supplemented with tennis courts, frag grenades were in lieu of tennis balls. failure to attend tennis practice is considered a capital offence

Vault 81: mosquito incubation chambers were linked to residential ventilation

Vault 82: vault hydroponics lab was supplemented with beehives, vault population was selected for severe apiphobia.

Vault 83: instead of water, residential taps dispense liquid nitrogen

Vault 84: water purification system was designed to issue water at temperatures exceeding 115 degrees celsius.

Vault 86: instead of nuclear fuel rods, vault reactor was issued pool flotation devices.

Vault 88: instead of a hydroponics lab, this vault was issued a selection of commercial deep fryers.

Vault 89: vault was issued 5 crates of dynamite under the designation "candles"

Vault 90: initial food supply consisted entirely of bacon and bacon products

Vault 91: vault temperature was to never exceed 10 degrees celsius at any time.

Vault 93: all initial residents weigh more than 400 pounds, food processors extrude only fancy lads snack cakes. public water taps are modified to dispense Nuka-Cola

Vault 94: in order to conserve space, chopsticks are the only utensils provided.

Vault 95: residents were required to wear space suits at all times

Vault 96: ventilation systems were designed to simulate a hull breach amid the vacuum of space by venting all air out of the vault upon the sealing of the blast door

Vault 97: was issued a modified "reverse" G.E.C.K to un-terraform the area surrounding its activation.

Vault 98: all light bulbs were replaced with blacklights

Vault 99: light fixtures were allocated increased power, causing sunburn after prolonged exposure

Vault 100: none of the 100 families admitted spoke the same language.

(A/N: I will publish a new chapter for every thirty new vaults I think of, if you think of any vault ideas please PM them to me and I will put it toward the next chapters thirty along with a credit to its author alongside it. It really isn't that hard: just think of things you wouldn't want to be stuck in a hole with for fifty years)

(PS: please review, its like caffeine for writers: the more we have the more we write.)


	3. Vaults 101-135

Never Meant to Save Anyone- by thepkrmgc, blinded in a bolthole", and BlakeTheEpicArgonian

(A/N: I really cant thank my fellow contributors enough, without them this chapter would simply have not existed, when you send in your ideas not only do you directly contribute to the next chapter, you inspire me to write more of my own. Go ahead, try and write a few, I don't judge.)

Vault 102: Only children between the ages of 6 and 12 were permitted to be overseer, who were given absolute power for the duration of their term

Vault 103: Due to complaints of "insufficient cowbell" present in other vaults, vault 2 was issued 100 crates of cowbells in lieu of all other entertainment.

Vault 104: Vault air filters were modified to increase concentrations of helium in the vault air supply

Vault 105: In lieu of entertainment facilities, the vault air supply was laced with laughing gas at random intervals to improve levity

Vault 107: To conserve space, ceilings were lowered to a height of 5 feet, vault population consisted of former basketball players.

Vaults 109-116 are from "blinded in a bolthole": props to him for his ideas

Vault 109: Instead of standard issue Vault-Tech jumpsuits, the dwellers were issued with clothing from popular High Fantasy series. The vault's decoration and provided material were adjuster appropriately.

Vault 110:The dwellers are chosen from most fanatical patriots. Everything else, from books to entertainments to manuals are made by the /Commies/.

Vault 111:The dwellers are issued with blank masks they have to wear all the time. Not wearing a mask is considered capital offense.

Vault 113:Two vaults are built right next to each other. One designed to make the dwellers accept values of peace and cooperation, the other is basically an army boot camp. In fifty years the wall between these vaults is rigged to fall.

Vault 114: The dwellers are divided into Secret Societies, each following their own traditions. Revealing the secret of one's society is an act of two members of one family are members of the same Secret Society.

Vault:115 Instead of a nuclear reactor, the vault is equipped with an all-purpose state of art fusseilin . The Vault is build over a coal mine.

Vault 116:The vault's dwellers are chosen from those far below poverty line and those far above it. The former are signed to live a life of luxury and high end positions while the latter are given the menial and maintenance tasks. Caste classes are inherited.

Vault 117: Haircuts, or any other unauthorized removal of body hair is strictly forbidden

Vault 118: Vault educational materials are replaced with holotapes of popular reality TV shows

Vault 119: Vault educational materials consist solely of standardized tests

Vaults 120-124 are provided by BlakeTheEpicArgonian

Vault 121: Each person was required to have a pet, however no two people could own the same pet. Large predatory animals encouraged.

Vault 122:1000 people admitted, with every 100 people being a different religion. There was only 1 chapel and religious discussions were held every Tuesday.

Vault 123: Vault entirely populated by people with a history of violence. Mandatory gladiator fights every night at 7pm

Vault 125: Vault was entirely populated by Vegans. No food stores or water provided, only 20 cows, 10 dairy cows and 10 meat cattle.

Vault 126: Whoopee cushions are built into all seating

Vault 127: Pip Boys were designed to be 50 lbs heavier than standard models

Vault 128: Two Pip Boys were provided to every resident

Vault 129: Pip Boys were modified to run exclusively on Linux operating systems.

Vault 130: A bank stocked with 60 tons of gold bullion was provided in lieu of a hydroponics lab.

Vault 131: Pool filtration systems were equipped with Jello mix instead of chlorine.

Vault 132: Seat cushions are genetically modified to extrude wonderglue

Vault 133: Instead of aluminum, vault interiors are constructed of cast iron. Rare earth magnets are incorporated into the shoes of all newly extruded vault suits.

Vault 134: The job of overseer is to only be filled by hamsters

Vault 135: No trash receptacles are provided.

(A/N, I'm considering upping the rating to T in order to allow for a broader range of vault concepts, ideas?)

(PS: we are now past the highest cannon numbered vaults, I wonder how far this will go?)


End file.
